LIFE HACK
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
So that’s why I keep trying to sneak into people’s houses.
HE TRIED TO ESCAPE
FUCK THE OCEAN
I’M A BIRD MOTHAFUCK- OH SHIT
SEA PANCAKE OUT
For a second there it was actually a foul.
i would pay good money for a navigation system voiced by cas
“I-I don’t understand. Why did you not turn when I told you to?”
“You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of downtown rush hour traffic, I can throw you back in.”
*sexually strokes wall until finding light switch*
What a turn on.
Get out.
why does everyone say get out when somebody makes a pun dont get out get in here and make more puns
do you type differently depending on the person you’re talking to
i dont know if people are checking me out or shocked at how ugly i am
how to play a racing game
- HIT EVERYONE OUT OF THE WAY
- GO FAST
- NEVER USE BRAKES
How to break up with someone
- You: Your ex is attractive.
- Partner: Which one?
- You: ME.
- You: BYEEEE
instead of taking out ur anger on someone who doesnt deserve it, u could:
1.) deal with ur own problems!!!!
2.) fuck off
people that wish dragons were real
are you sure
ARE
YOU
POSITIVE
The last one is fake. It’s deathwing from wow.
sorry guys you caught me. all of the other pictures are real dragons
I JUST WANT TO WRAP MYSELF UP IN A THOUSAND FLUFFY PUPPIES
my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great
oh my god hello how are you welcome to my aquarium
romeo romeo
where the fuck is you, romeo
Fuck you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is “Wherefore art thou”. And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of fucking asshole, you’d know that wherefore does NOT FUCKING MEAN “WHERE”, WHEREFORE MEANS “WHY”.
SHE’S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. FUCK ALL OF YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS TITS.
romeo romeo
why the fuck is you romeo
I swear like 85% of all popular text posts are made by the same 5 people.
Actually I’ve never had a popular text post but it’s good to know you enjoy my blog
